Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Lately, I find that reading things that I have written over the years is just as therapeutic. Today, I came across a letter I wrote to my thirteen year old self which highlights struggles with acceptance and love. Such thoughts have overwhelmed my mind in the past week. Love defines –and so redefines over time– our lives in both static and dynamic ways. I usually allow myself a day or so to reconcile my emotions with reality, and then I shut down the pity party altogether. This letter is soft and delicate while being rigid and powerful. It encourages strength from weakness; acceptance from rejection; and warmth from a coldness all too familiar when dealing with others on the same journey of love and acceptance. I genuinely (choose to) believe that people do not intend to hurt people. Hurt both attracts and distributes hurt. So, today, I find healing in the words I penned to a much younger, anxious self.
Letter to 13
A sense of belonging overwhelms every decision you make, every connection you develop. I would urge you to be careful. The acceptance you seek comes with a price far more expensive than loneliness and feeling strange. At this rate, you will never be able to break even; you will forever be at the mercy of another’s approval. Quiet your presumptions and preconceived notions about a life imagined; yet, focus on those things that are true and honorable, right and pure.
And what things are true and honorable? Wisdom. For knowledge, in his rarest form, is without direction; he counts and measures abundance as value. However, it is she, Wisdom, who instructs and prepares knowledge for the journey ahead. Be confident in all that you know at this tender age, but know you have much more to learn. Much more to learn about friendships, belonging, happiness, peace and, above all else, love. The latter, and you will soon learn this, is the most volatile, yet, rewarding.
Love, then, will guide you to those things right and pure. Allow her to lead you with grace and integrity. Many will come along who are familiar with love, lacking the power to extend it in its highest state. Be patient, 13. Do not rush love or force relationship. For I have always loved you; I have loved you with an everlasting love that stands the test of time. And though you often shy away from admitting it, you know greatness awaits you. Pursue that greatness fearlessly, unapologetically.